blog of shame.

In high school I used to have this motto. It was only 3 words and I used to say it with one of my friends who shall remain nameless (and therefore blameless). Initially it was a joke, then it became sort of a joke, then it became a little more serious, until it became my mantra, my truth, my crutch:

"Deny, deny, deny."

So, that moment when someone confronted me about something unpleasant or inappropriate that I did, these three words would pop up in my mind and I would 'alter' the story to make it more acceptable to the audience. Here's a totallyuntrueneverwouldIdoanyhhingofthesort example:

Friend calls and says, "I heard you kissed my boyfriend at the party this weekend."

My hypothetical response (because I never would have been in this situation more than twice, ever) would be, "No. That very unacceptable situation did not occur." (Deny)

She might then respond by saying, "You can't deny it, he even admitted it to me." I then say, "He's always been a liar." (Deny)

Then the final test, "Someone got it on camera." To which I obviously reply, "It must have been that slutty girl that everyone keeps saying looks like me. Mystery solved." (Deny)

It's been a long time since I've had a conversation like that. A very long time. Turns out, when you stop doing unfavorable things, you no longer have a reason to live by such a 'motto'. So why has this topic come come up now? It's been at least seven years since I've done anything that requires even a measly 2 denials, let alone a third.

Until now.

I've done something that I never thought I would do. It's something that a former me would have cringed at. Obviously, my first thought was that if it somehow became public knowledge I would just revert back to my old ways and pull out the three magic words, but I can't go back to that. I must take accountability for my actions, no matter how repulsive they are. So here I am. On a public forum. Admitting, instead of denying.

So, what did I do? Brace yourself.

I.

Started.

A.

Blog.